dirty sheets and bare feet.

taste this saltiness

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 20:19:01 GMT

i wish everything wasn't so much of the same shit all the time...
I am looking for something new right now and it's no fun looking in an old show box full of weathered routine.

upset.

this is the time of our lives....

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 18:27:38 GMT

four beautiful women....

there is so much to catch up on...

i love it.

Fri, 13 May 2005 13:42:40 GMT

I had my job interview yesterday and it went pretty well. I was basically told that I had the job the day before but I was informed yesterday that the boss had 2 other interviews and I have to wait for his call today. I am realy irritated because the mananger told me to count it and it doesn't seem worth counting on out of honesty. I want to work there like mad.
blah.
I put in my weeks notice ofr Bonanza yesterday and I am happy, but I really need that job. If i don't get it then I need to find another because Bonanza is driving me crazy.
Prom is this weekend and I am really stoked. It should be a fabulous weekend.
Today I decided that I am going to a Dave Matthews Band concert the day after graduation... and I am not driving.
Bonnaroo is getting closer and closer......... if you could se the goosebumps all over my body it would be a bit more appropriate.
That's all for now.

what a lush...

Wed, 11 May 2005 13:09:26 GMT

looking foward to: prom, graduation, parties, Bonnaroo, Beach, New York City, Camp,
Destination- The Art Institute of Pittsburgh

and, I am almost positive I have a new job at the pet store Aqua World. Woo Hoo . 30 Hour weeks, 150.00+ per week, and animals all around. It needs cleaned up a bit and I can't wait.

I can't always be playing your fool.

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 13:02:43 GMT

On Wed. and Thurs. I stayed in the woods for 2 days and went to Pittsburgh to stay with a friends older sister on Friday. Pittsburgh was fun and we got some rad things from Avalon Exchange and two Asian and Middle Eastern Import shops.

On Sun. I went dress shopping with mt mother which did not go as terribly as expected. I got a lovely dress, light sage, 2 layers, fairy bottom, hand beaded in India, & not that expensive. Woo Hoo.

I thought dress shopping was going to be torture but it was not that bad.

Got a new copy of The Doors, Greatest Hits and got Jack Johnson, In Between Dreams.

peace.

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 13:53:41 GMT

Early this morning I stole a lovely white daffodil out of some kind persons yard and also got samantha a large yellow one. There was a spider in it and we had an exciting minute unitl I could get it out of the car.

I am now wearing my flower in my hair and it feels good. Although I don't.
We are leaving school soon so that is comforting...

I feel like I don't write enough words in this journal. I feel like I only post photo's and choppy thoughts. Feeling like I'm wasting my time.

happy smoking,

I've got safety walls.

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 14:03:50 GMT

Yesterday I layed on my deck, read, read American PHOTO, and made a tank top instead of staying in school. It was much better that way. I was sad because I thought I didn't get much sun and then I went to work to find a had a killer sun burn. I am cool with that- I would reather have the sun kissing my shoulders lately.

Camping this weekend was pretty fun. There were a lot of people, drama, and situations. I learned a lot actually from someone else.

Tomorrow is senior skip day and mom's going to be pissed because Thurs. is no school and I don't think I am going on Friday either.

Ty, Sam, and I had a great time at the stone two days ago- it was s stepping stone. A good one. Tonight Samantha and I are going to be with my brother Ty and his friend John. It should be lots of fun.

I ahve been one with nature lately and it feels superb. I adore my bare feet even more than before and I love it.

Logan is in the school for Pre School and I went up to play with him. I love the kid so much. He painted me a picture and it is of a blue stick figure, large orange lines and a pea green spot ( which is the tree). He told me that Iw as the persona dn the orange lines are the "safety walls, on both sides".

this is me, at freedom falls.

I am a cheesecake lover.

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 04:17:55 GMT

this is my old family house from my grandmother's.

(i found it in my little brothers room) it was a crazy experience because i haven't seen it for about 13 years.

running away with you sounds so glamorous

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 14:01:43 GMT

this is a photo from Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh... so pretty.

and... I am spicing my journal up with some color.

it's like one of those big secrets that you're just waiting to tell someone

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 17:45:34 GMT

and...
this is my lovely grandmother -Shelia Dean in the 60's (highschool)

taken in Franklin PA... I love this photo entirely.

p.s- no tattoo for me. I was not prepared so it was not legit.

running on empty

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 13:06:36 GMT

This weekened was interesting. I have a serious lack of sleep but it was all in good fun. A bunch of us went camping at Freedom Falls on Saturday which was very eventful and enjoying. I really love most of my friends around here and I really will miss them.

Tyler is doing better although he has to have a metal plate put in his shoulder on Wed. in Pittsburgh.

Gas prices are a bitch and I wish things would change.

I am in the yearbook room and I don't want to do anything. I don't want to type any words or sculpt with any clay- so I am going to step outside and get some fresh air.

I have a lot more to say and a lot more for you to see...

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 13:15:04 GMT

The end of the world has been the topic of conversation for quite sometime now-

I feel like everybody is dying.

Drugs are taking too many lives.

"How many times undone can one person be?"

p.s- Considering this is probably posted as a gi-normous photograph, somebody should enlighten me and tell how to downsize. Please darlings.

this is an old photo of Belmar.

"now tell me: back, back back in the dark of your mind
are you learning an angry language"

Just a waste of paint, of tape, of time.

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 13:41:23 GMT

So, my little brother Tyler (16) just about almost died yesterday. He wrecked the 4 wheeler and broke his collarbone. It looks as if somebody tied him up to a truck and drug him for a couple hundred feet. He was wearing a helmet but not a shirt. He had to call 911 which makes me sad. Well, I even got him a mega large roast beef sandwich with fries from Arby's. I think he mauled everything in about 2 minutes... silly boy. So yes, he lost his glasses and broke his body. He is tough. It will heal by summer.
In AP we have Lifes Instruction every day and today it said: Be modest. There has been a lot done before you were even born.

How appropriate.

I made a new friend with a teacher, Mrs. Culbertson. She is cool as hell and she is my project advisor. I don't know her well but I really want to- we get a long really well and I wish we could have gotten to know each other before my whole project was over. wah.

I am really excited to post all these new photos I have- they are really fun. But I am unable to do that at school and either I don't have the time at home or photo bucket takes way too long. Well I am just backing myself up for now that's all. Regardless- I have a lot to show.
Yesterday, Samantha, Meg, Mike, Matthew, and I went to Freedom Falls, Astral Road, Subway, and the Ice Cream Store. It was so lovley out and we just couldn't resist. At the tasty freeze I got a splendid photo of a blob of chocolate ice cream with sprinkles and crazy eyes, melting on the pavement. I love it.

Yesterday, Matthew and I went to Salval and we got some really rad items. Then we went to Samantha's thrift store and she just kept throwing things in boxes for us. Then I went out to eat with my mother and Greg at Hoss's and ate a big salad that I didn't really like much.

We are all going camping soon, very soon. As soon as weather permits and I am making sure of it.
This summer samantha and I are taking a bus to NYC to stay a week with Tammy (an older friend of ours) who lives in Greenwich Village. It should be spectacular.

That's what I will close with... NYC

broken forms and vintage dresses

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 13:40:02 GMT

A few months ago I was working on this wonderful sculpture titled "lovely form" - it was of a nude woman sitting down. So on my way out to my car this morning I had lovely form, a large mounted photograph, and a large sculpture made out very sharp wood pieces. Either the wood sculpture on my feet or the lovely form on the ground. I was so fucking pissed I didn't even know what to do with myself. The head broke off and three pieces of the arm... tear.
I am wearing a vintage dress that I found in my attic before we moved in. And, I am welcoming spring so it will stop snowing.

go ask alice, when she's ten feet tall.

plants are good for the soul

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 03:04:51 GMT

This weekend was a pretty good one. On Friday, my Horticulture class and I went to Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh- amazing. We ate brownies on the way up and it was a bunch of fun. I had the best time, I was out in this mega daze just taking tons of photos and touching a magillion plants. It was so interesting... different rooms and conditions for the different plants. It was like "stepping outside of your paradigm" and observing life for a moment. PLants are good for the soul, I just know it. I feel so much more at ease when I am outside, in my room, byt he garden, or in the greenhouse.
I am going to have a very large garden when I am older, I love thinking about things like that.

Thomas and Jake got me a really rad mood ring when they went to Colorado. It is the most accurate mood ring I have ever encountered.

Mother gets home from Florida late tonight. I wonder what she will think of things.
It's different when she is gone. No new groceries except for milk, nobody gets the mail until I get home from work, nobody gets the mail until I do around midnight, Tyler really forgets to do the litter box and get his lunch money, Greg's days get a little worse day by day and he goes to bed earlier, I don't have someone to wish goodnight and tell that i love them, and I defiantly don't have someone to make sure I am home when i should be.
Were hopeless without her and what a good feeling that is, oddly enough. My mother is the backbone and I am really glad that we have a stronger connection.
It is so bizarre to analyze your parents and where your roots begin. I am my father in an amazing amount of ways, ways that I haven't even learned yet. And my mother, I have her heart and she is with me always somehow. I am looking into my ancestry now that I have these very old photos for motivation.
It's vital.

I am reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (Lewis Carroll) and I love it. I haven't read it since I was a child and my oh my has it changed with a different perspective. Look into it.

I have lovely photo's to post but my machine box is slow and photobucket is sick today.

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 04:20:24 GMT

On Eatser eve my little brother (5) Logan and I colored easter eggs, started a dance party, and completed a photo shoot. It was fantastic! And it's true, he is the raddest little kid I know.
Here are some photo's

Logan and I with fun faces.

Our creations and our hands.

When I went to my grandmothers house after work on Easter, we looked through very old photo's from both sides of the family. I now have old photo's of my grandmother when she was in high school. I absolutely adore the certain one where she is reclyning on some deck with lemonade in her hand and a lovely hat tilted to the left. I just adore it. I will make sure to post it soon.

pink or gray? pink, for once.

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 04:30:51 GMT

i told him he takes up too much space in my mind for such uncertain barriers. i told him i needed some questions answsered because it's black and white and all i see is grey. it's like, i don't want any more sexual innuendos, or loosely tied equations, or wandering hands or eyes, or contradicting statements, or mixed signals without some backup.
he is offended.

if i were an ice tray and confusion were the water. ice would be to the tip top with frozen paths that once fell to the bag of frozen blueberries below.

i've got a thing for assholes who tell good stories...
i think drinking is the only thing you do right, you are going to self destruct. i think that's what i like."

also, I am a "blue jean hippie queen". that's an interesting one.

mega sigh

feeling sooo fabulous.. yet, confused. (still)

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 09:01:12 GMT

it's a revelation.

I am living in a black and white world. this perception is grey.

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 04:32:05 GMT

Renee' and I had a nice day in Erie at Grasshopper, Ink Assasins, & Subway. Grasshopper (hippie shop) had this gigantic sale where everything was 10- 70% off. I spent a good amount of money and purchased an amazing amount of items. At the tattoo shop I got a nose ring put in and took out my stud. Half the country asked me when I got my nose pierced today. I guess nobody looks at studs? Either way, I dig it.
Umm... I was really hung over today which is no fun but I managed to pull everyhting off. This weekend I am loaded with deadlines and it's really sad. I am not saying that the rest of the world isn't stressing but I am just waiting to be done with so many important things at once. I feel like I have been breathing different for the past 2 months.
My brother is drinking at his friends house tonight. I don't know why I worry but I just do. I hope he won't be a really stupid drunk, but he will. OH man, everyone is growing up for sure...
I have this mega headache, I feel like I could head butt a wall and my head would have no other choice but to feel better. Hah.

So, I have perfected the art of thinking too much and in return becoming sick to my stomach over miscelaneous reasons. Yeah, I know this is entirely commendable and all ... and I'm going to puke or something.
I need a vacation from my mind.
It's really disheartening when people you care about have the ultimate power of making you feel bland and tasteless. Well, actually it's just unnecessary.

It's a heavy heavy metaphor, and I'm feeling like you've been here before. Cus you've been here before, yeah- you've been here before.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 03:14:34 GMT

Today was a very long, irritating, and awkward day. In fact, I even took a nap after school and did not have to work. It was not the smartest move because I could have gotten a lot done. But - I always say that to myself about sleep and it has to stop. In all actuality, the human body could be doing something at all times- meaning that sleep could never exist if I keep up the hard ass approach. At one time I was an insomniac and I am a firm believer that you can never naturally sleep the same. My mind is just to hesitant to sleep when I lay down, it wouldn't matter if I was up for 4 days straight. It's funny the way you can find yourself thinking, and how you can't stop. It's entirely intimidating actually. Imagine going insane, it would be like sitting back and watching yourself. woah.
In art class today I threw 3 pots and it was fantastic, I haven't had the time let alone the streak to do that in a while.
After my nap, I picked Samantha up and we sang out loud to ani, returned library books and movies, unsuccessfully tried to get a job at the coffee shop, & drove down a bunch of back roads. Then we went to my house and made some tofu, rice, and veggies... it was divine. It was my first time making tofu and it was really great.
I talked to Jake and Thomas on their way to Colorado. They were in Nebraska and they were not pleased with the state. I would think driving away from home going a million places would be pretty exciting and interesting. I hope they have a bunch of fun, ahh... they will.
This makes me think about all the traveling the summer harnesses. WOO HOO! I am feeling Arizona bound after Bonnaroo. I'd like to see the dessert with my camera.
I am really confused about a lot of things. One of those times where you want to directly scream something you haev been wanting and waiting to say to someone so loud in their face, sigh, and then just walk away like it never happened. That only happens in dreams, right?
My dumb ass forgot about a pretty big test so- time to cram.

more Left Overs

and it's official- I am addicted to posting photos.

This small town madness is at large

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 05:45:55 GMT

I went hiking today with aimless navigation, it was a very difficult route and we rocked out. Our destination was an old house, a garage, and a barn... i took a roll of film total and needed about 14 more shots. There were two lookouts over the Allegheny and the water appeared to be a natural teal. The woods were unbelieveably peaceful and serene, I remain rejuvenated. We are goign to take all the friends to the lookout to camp over the summer and it will be divine. Everything was so beautiful.
I ahve not been sleeping at all within the last week and although I am a little tired, I am doing really well. I think wandering in the woods for a few hours helped, for sure.

So my night consisted of dealing with drunk people and holding the position of the designated driver. I talked to 1 sober person maybe, all night. It was interesting at the least, and pretty wild.

to bed i go.

Left Overs

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 06:48:36 GMT

It was my brothers birthday today, and I sang him a song on the awnsering machine, a super good one too.

.........................................................................................................

this is for Jessie.

leftovers.

While I was supposed to be in class...

this is a dress. i have known that since i was small.

I am going to make a book of old places for my lens, I might even call it Left Overs.

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:24:48 GMT

yesterday was st. patricks day. We left school, wished in wells, ate at Subway, found old buildings and barns and took photos, tried to find a hidden tunnel, swung over the river from a rope tied to a tree, drove through trailer parks, and found our way home.
I am mega excited to get the photos developed... actually I am going to go poor due to a never ending amount of used film, but as long as I get my jollies -I'm good.

I have settled into my own skin, and it's comfortable.

I am going to go write or sculpt.

i am writing graffiti on your body

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 14:19:37 GMT

lately, i have not had much time or many words to share in this.
whateva.

this is stephanie and i at emmies one night. i love the faces.

these are feet (two righteous babes) and coincidentally Andrew Bird

wading in confusion and loosely tied ends...

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 19:26:29 GMT

i feel strong but i am entirely confused. either i am playing a dirty game or i am mistaken.